How does one wake up from a nightmare? Tuesday was a day that started out as a fog, but ended up being a blessing. We knew that we wanted to start putting things into place to say good-bye to Andrew. Bill went into his room and gathered all the things that needed to be returned to school, so we would make the high school our first stop of the day.
Before we left the house, I called our friend and spiritual mentor, David. When he answered the phone, I couldn't speak. David had been the pastor who had married Bill and me. He was the pastor who had helped us dedicate Andrew to God. Now he was the pastor who would help us say good-bye to our son. Things for Andrew's service were quickly falling into place.
While Bill went into the school, I stayed in the car. I had just been here Friday afternoon, picking up Andrew from school. How had this happen? Our friend Marne followed Bill out of the high school. A candlelight vigil at the football field was being planned for this evening. After Marne left, the first thing I said to Bill was, "I don't think I can go." He agreed, so we went to my mother and dad's to begin making plans for his service. The day really is pretty much a blur. I wrote his obituary. I selected the scripture I wanted to be read. Bill and I decided we wanted to have the service Thursday, if that was possible. We made arrangements for his cremation. This was all so surreal.
For 24 hours the home where I had grown up became a sanctuary for us. People were in and out of my parents' home. Everyone was so kind. We shared memories and we shared tears. We shared our disbelief. We shared our question why? Once school was out for the day, Andrew's teammates came to visit. Their coaches had been so great to those boys. They had gathered them together so they didn't have to go through this individually. They would face this as they had gone through so many other experiences--as a team. When they arrived we saw genuine grief in the eyes of those boys. They had shared so much for so many years--never did they think they would have to share the death of a friend. The basketball team was scheduled to leave for a team camp at the University of Montana Friday, right after the last minute of their school year ended. We purposefully made the decision to have Andrew's service on Thursday so the boys could go onto Missoula, if they wished. We wanted them to play a lot of basketball and have fun. Andrew would not have wanted them to stay home. Our other wish for the boys was to wear crimson and gold to Andrew's service--no black for those kids. After they left, we realize it was time to make a decision: could we survive attending the candlelight vigil?
Looking for strength~
Andrew's Mom
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