How could I not be intrigued about a book in which this statement is made on the first page--"Life is not fair, but God is just." That is exactly how I feel, but it was hard to explain it to other people. "Sometimes you just have to trust in the character of God." Is this man looking into my heart as he was writing this? So many of the words he spoke in the first part of this book mirrored discussions and decisions Bill and I made immediately following Andrew's death. "... regardless of where I am or what circumstances are, God is still love, and His grace is sufficient for me."
Andrew was a child of God. The church was a second home for him and he loved Jesus. So when he told us he was ready to "go home", we knew exactly what he meant. As selfish as I wanted to be by still wanting him with me, I got it. It gave me peace. I'm sure some people may think I'm crazy, but that is what faith is. It is believing without seeing. It is understanding that I will survive this because I know Jesus loves me. It is the grace of God. Don't get me wrong--I miss Andrew so much. I miss what life was like with him. I miss what life would have been with him. I just miss him.
I believe in Satan as much as I believe in God. I see Satan working his way in our world today. Do you not think he is laughing at us when he sees the turmoil in our lives? In the lives of our children? I believe in the statement... "God is not the source of the difficult experiences in life. God did not send the Amalekits to Ziklag...The evil of a fallen world and the schemes of the evil one (Satan) are the primary sources for human suffering. Nevertheless, God has His purposes, and with a victorious end in mind, He does allow trouble into our lives. It is facing and triumphing over the great trials of life that you learn what it means to overcome the world and to live more than a conquerer. The keystone to the Christian life is victory--the victory that flows from the Cross and empty tomb to transform our lives today. Victory is not the absence of trouble. Victory is defined as success in a struggle against difficulties and overcoming an enemy." And "faith is the victory that overcomes--even on the worst day of your life."
As I said the day of the dedication of Andrew's stone, I believe there was a battle for Andrew in my home on June 7th. Satan put thoughts of despair into Andrew's mind and convinced him he had only one solution to the pain he was feeling. However, God loves Andrew and knew it was mutual. God took Andrew out of the hands of Satan and took him home. And after all, that was really what Andrew wanted. So I must accept that and not allow Satan to cover me with his darkness. I must have the faith that is the victory that overcomes. I must have it, because if I fall into the negative life Satan wants for me, then I do not have victory. And, just as I want my son to have victory in Christ, I too want to have victory in Christ.
~Andrew's Mom
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