We all know how our senses can act as memory makers. Sights, smells, touch, taste...those things can bring memories flooding back to our minds. I've already written about Andrew's smell and how I try to get a whiff of it whenever I walk into his room. However, the sense that has been around me this weekend is the sense of sound.
One of Andrew's friends sent me a message this week, sharing how he has been thinking about him a lot. He shared one particular memory that has been on my mind since I read it.
"I miss hearing his shoes squeak as he would run through the door trying to beat the tardy bell."
Yep, that's my boy. Always running in at the last minute. Being early was one thing Bill and I could not instill in him. Another dear friend sent me a message saying she missed seeing him running to catch the bus.
But let's go back to the sound. Andrew found these really great shoes last year. He loved those shoes, but one day he got them wet and from that moment on, they squeaked. No matter what we did to them, they squeaked. Andrew would put the shoes away for awhile because the squeak bothered him, but he said those shoes felt so great he would just be squeaky until he couldn't take it any longer--then the shoes would go back into the closet.
After Hendrix left yesterday our house was very quiet. I noticed it immediately. It was such a lonely sound. My heart broke a little more as I stood in the middle of my house hearing the silence.
Four weeks from today will mark the first anniversary of Andrew's death. I remember the silence in the house as Bill and I walked in, looking for him. I think about the sound of my phone calls breaking the silence that had taken over our house that day. I reflect on my life without Andrew as I stand by his grave on the hill overlooking town. The sounds of silence.
I had a dream about him last night. I came home and found him still sleeping. Oh how I wish that was true. I was so elated when I touched his shoulder and he woke up. He looked so handsome. I even smelt him. However, there were no sounds to this dream. The sounds of silence.