CHOOSING TO SEE

Last night on Facebook, one of my Waitsburg kids (okay so she's in her thirties with a family, but she is still one of my kids) posted the World Book Day challenge.  
 

World Book Day -Game Rules: grab the book nearest to you and turn to page 56. Write down the 5th sentence. Don't choose your favorite book, choose the one nearest to you right now. Post the rules as your status and copy the sentence as your comment.


The book sitting nearest to me was on my pile of "grief" books.  It is a book my friend, Joan, gave me a month ago, yet it sat at the top of the pile until I reached for it to "play" this challenge.  I opened to page 56, counted down five sentences, and wrote, "He said, 'the word divorce is not in our vocabulary.'"  When I posted it I thought, "Now people will be thinking I am reading books on divorce."  No, I'm not.  Bill and I are firm in our commitment to our marriage.  It's the part of this book that talks about the divorce of one of the people in the book.  It is referring to Steven Curtis Chapman's parents.  You see, the book I picked up to participate in the World Book challenge is Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. 

       For those of you who may not know Steven Curtis Chapman, he is the singer/song writer of some of the most moving and beautiful songs from our generation.  Even though his music is classified as "Christian pop," his songs should be a part of everyone's music list.  God's love shines through his words and music.

      For those of you who may not know Steven Curtis Chapman, he  and his wife are survivors like me--parents who had to bury a child.  On May 21, 2008 their son, Will Franklin, ran over their five-year-old daughter, Maria, as he returned home from a school drama try-out.  She ran to him--he didn't see her.  I read about half of the book last night, but I cried so much my eye lids could no longer stay open.  They were exhausted.  They still feel heavy today. 

       The words that Mary Beth wrote brought it all back to me.  The disbelief.  The shock.  The planning.  The service.  The saying good-bye and the leaving of our child.  The support of a loving family, friends, and a community.  I knew I was in trouble when I couldn't see the words of the prologue, written by Beth Moore, because of the tears that were awash on my face.  When I got to chapter 29, "The New Normal," I couldn't go on.  Remember I wrote about my "new normal" as well.  The pain was so real again, I felt physically sick.  You can imagine how I feel today.  I literally want to go back to bed and not get out again--ever.

       When I finish the book, I will share some of it with you.  However, I want to share some of the words that begin each chapter.  Even though Mary Beth's words brought the sadness and the pain back to me anew, the words offered at the beginning of each chapter have brought some peace.  A reminder of God's grace.

Love of God is pure when joy and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude. ~ Simone Weil

A person who lives in faith must proceed on incomplete evidence, trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse. ~Philip Yancey

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;  we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. ~ C.S. Lewis

Every act of evil extracts a tear from God, every plunge into anguish extracts a sob from God. ~ Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son

You cannot amputate your history from your destiny...My past is something Jesus takes hold of and makes it into a destiny.  That's called redemption. ~Beth Moore

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  ~Psalm 126:5

~Andrew's Mom